It is really hard to describe my living situation right now, because it's very unorthodox. It's been split between two countries (US & India). I grew up in the US and just have always preferred it over India. However I have a lot of roots in India and it's very common for me to spend a few months of every year in India. Last November I went to India for a couple of weddings and to take care of our home and stuff there. The plan was to come back to the US in January or February, no hard date set just a general time frame that was based on what's going on there. The date kept getting pushed and as March was looking like the time to fly back, the coronavirus literally shut the world down.
India went into a pretty strict lockdown. Travel and movement became a nightmare and I couldn't really do anything but sit tight and see how things played out. 2 months ago, after being stuck in India for 6 months due to the pandemic, I was finally able to fly back to the US. The travel was weird and it was definitely stressful, but I made it back safely.
There was a lot going on in the last couple of months because of this and while I was able to stay on top of making videos for YouTube, I can't say the same for my other social media platforms.
I haven't written a post in over 2 months, and I feel kinda guilty for neglecting my blog. I'll just be 100% real, it takes an extreme amount of time and energy to manage multiple platforms on my own. I don't know how so many influencers do it... I know it's become a running joke to shit on influencers for not having a "real job", but man it's never ending. You can never clock out. Everything that happens in your life can be "content" and when content is what pays to keep your lights and and your stomach full, you can never take a break from it.
I find myself feeling guilty all the time if I don't post videos, if I don't make instagram posts, if I don't tweet something. Personally speaking I am not that into social media. I don't share my life on social media too much and I have never really been one to live my life out on social media. However, when I started making videos, I realized how social media is a very important part of content creation. The value it provides with cross platform promotions and just general growth is impossible to deny.
So when I can't bring myself to do that, it just makes me feel so bad. I feel like I'm not good at what I'm doing. The harsh realities of the world and my standing in it come into question. It's hard to recover from that spiral and sadly it's a common occurrence for me, and I'm sure many others that are trying to make it like me in the ever-crowded world of online content creation.
Another self-inflicted obstacle I deal with is my own drive for making "perfect" content. It's so easy to get stuck looking at what others are doing and setting the bar too high for myself. I often have a great idea, but I'll see that someone else has done it and they've done a better job than I have. This completely demotivates me and I go into a spiral of not wanting to even attempt it because mine will never be as good.
Looking back, that is such a poor way to look at things. The only way I can ever get to a higher level of my work is through practice and making content even if it isn't great. For me personally a big challenge is where to draw the line between certain aspects. I always as myself too many questions like:
"Am I being lazy by not wanting to spend a ton of time on a video, or am I just using my time to the best of my ability"
"If I don't do a perfect job on making this content why should I even bother, 1 million other YouTubers have already done the same thing better than me... Why would anyone watch my shit?"
and honestly there a ton more like that are stuffed with self doubt and overthinking.
It's the reason why I often times can't make content for days on end, because I feel paralyzed by how much is on my plate. I end up with this "all or nothing" work ethic, and that is very dangerous because it can become extremely detrimental to consistency.
I am making this post to remind myself that it's okay to fall behind, but it's not okay to stop working all together because I can't do EVERYTHING I thought I wanted do.
So after a long two months of not posting here and thinking to myself, how can I get back into posting and what do I even say? I just decided to say fuck it, just open up the blog editor and start typing into it... Delaying or trying to wait for the perfect moment is pointless.
Over the last 2 months I've worked on so many new videos, filmed a lot of phones, and I've been trying to stay on top of everything in my personal and social life as well. I'm excited for the next few months because there is so much going on and I am really going to try to immerse myself into having fun and enjoying what I do. It's something I forget to do all the time. I get to play with tech all day, and for some reason I have deluded myself into not enjoying it! That is something I am going to change.
-Ankit